HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
