So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
