For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
