I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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