Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
