Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
