Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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