When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
