whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
