you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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