names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
