dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
