found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
