Fuck appropriateness.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there was a trapeze. enough said
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
