you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
