man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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