i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
