There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
