I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Panties = found
Randomize
