so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
