Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
