I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
