I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
