my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
