he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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