I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
