This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
