butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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