i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
