I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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