sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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