I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
