oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
