i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize