you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
