He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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