don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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