Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
