hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
