i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
