What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
