grandma shit on top of the toilet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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