so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
