I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
