You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
even my farts smell like vagina
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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