Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
