so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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