i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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