So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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