She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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