Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize