You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
honey bunches of taint.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
