How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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