Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
