I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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