what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
