There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
