mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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