I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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