The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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