I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
