Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
