I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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