He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
