I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We smell like vodka and hangover
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
