yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
