I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
