I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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