I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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