i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
