How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
