I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
